The problem with EQ is that it only speaks to one part of the equation related to self-awareness and building empathy for others’ experiences. It’s a component of something much bigger. Something I call managing your own psychology.
In fact, we can shape and control our emotional reactions to events — and become better leaders in the process.
What does managing your own psychology even mean?
Each of us lives in our own version of “reality,” — it’s a combination of what is actually happening to us and around us (objective) combined with our brain’s subjective interpretation of these events. We think that we can’t control “reality,” when actually, we can.
Managing your own psychology fundamentally implies that you are in control of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It’s a purpose-driven view that puts the power back in individuals’ hands, reminding them that they create meaning in their life and don’t simply have to accept their state of being.
Managing your own psychology = Mindfulness + Metacognition + Reframing
For years, psychologists have studied this phenomenon in clinical populations, but this same thinking can be applied to non-clinical populations.
Executive coaching has largely focused on one aspect of managing your own psychology — EQ — when it actually comes down to what I see as an interplay of at least three things:
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is the acceptance that everything is a neutral stimulus. Nothing is inherently good or bad. It’s only our judgment or interpretation that makes an experience charged.
Metacognition
Metacognition gives us the awareness that our reactions are shaped by our own thinking, and we can act on them.
Reframing
Reframing helps us manage our thoughts. By reframing our experience, we can check out our thinking to make sure we don’t engage in any cognitive distortions and/or thinking errors. This is a powerful technique that can help leaders take responsibility and truly begin to manage your own psychology.
Ultimately, mindfulness, metacognition, and reframing help us strengthen our Internal Locus of Control, a term that refers to the extent to which we feel that we have control over the events that influence our lives.
| Individuals who possess a strong Internal Locus of Control: |
Individuals with an external locus of control: |
| Are more likely to take responsibility for their actions |
Blame outside forces for their circumstances |
| Tend to be less influenced by the opinions of other people |
Often credit luck or chance for any successes |
| Usually have a strong sense of self-efficacy |
Don’t believe that they can change their situation through their own efforts |
| Tend to work hard to achieve the things they want and often achieve greater success in the workplace |
Frequently feel hopeless or powerless in the face of difficult situations |
| Feel confident in the face of challenges |
Are more prone to experiencing learned helplessness |
Notably, individuals with a strong Internal Locus of Control, tend to be physically healthier and report being happier and more independent.
